Sunday, July 30, 2006

Little bit o'this, little bit o'that

Thus far having the most of laziest poor child has been watching commercialed Nick TV for the past hour or so, because his parents keep on sleeping (and now blogging)....I did get up early, make blueberry pancakes and help him get on the computer to play Sponge Bob games...but then I ran out of steam and---on the pretext of "waking up Daddy"--- went right back to sleep. I was supposed to visit some of my dad's relatives today but I don't see that happening...that would require WAY too much energy to withstand the accompanying anxiety.

As soon as I can get myself showered and dressed, I promised Sam I would take him to Target to buy goggles and a new noodle for the pool because SOME KID STOLE HIS NOODLE YESTERDAY AT THE POOL. There were a slew of people at my pool yesterday from some family reunion or something who I guess rented out the room attached to the pool...I've never been witness to this occuring before so I don't know how it works. But apparently they were given access to the pool, which meant it was crowded, and with people not knowing the culture of the pool, wherein you can use stuff left around by others but NOT TAKE IT WITH YOU! I saw some girls (about age 10?) leaving with noodles, and I thought one was Sam's...and upon searching the pool concluded it was indeed his precious orange noodle. The thing cost $1 so it's not a financial hardship, but Sam was DEVASTATED and cried for about an hour, despite my assurances that I would indeed get him a new one. He is a sentimental boy, so it was as if a dear relative had been kidnapped. There is the outside chance that said thief will have been forced to return said noodle by thief's parents, but somehow I doubt it.

I am officially on vacation---after staying at work on Friday until 9 p.m.!! At 730, I was still talking to patients on the phone, specifically the father of a young man stuck in the ER for over 24 hours while in a psychiatric crisis. I hope the poor kid finally got a bed...then I had 4 staff intakes for review, an intake of my own to complete, shredding, scanning, complicated lists of current issues with my goes on and on.....

And the award for Most Annoyingly Catchy Songs That Stick in Your Head For Weeks from a TV Show goes to....Pinky Dinky Doo! from the Noggin network! Congratulations!

Several miracles occured yesterday after I ran into my friend Cole & her brood while en route to the farmer's market on Saturday morning. Sam wanted to join her son Jasper at the Little Park after we picked up out CSA share and our farm milk (Hubby is very weirded out that you have to shake the milk to de-lump it). But I had a hot date with Let's Dish so warned him, only 5 minutes! Of course that didn't work, especially when they had some kind of elaborate playhouse-moving game going on ....SO, she was very sweet to agree to watch Sam for a few minutes while I went back to our house (1/2 block away) and got Hubby to trade places with me. Why is this a miracle? Well, as I said, it's not just one but several!!

1. I actually left my child with someone not Hubby or my mother, and NOT in my house-- never happened before. Yes, he is 4 1/2 now.

2. Sam, while looking stressed about it, did not cry or flip out, mostly because his alternative to the situation was leaving the park.

3. Hubby actually got immediately out of bed when requested AND was not Evil No-Coffee Man. I did give him a $20 bill which I think confused him greatly.

Well I must return to my duties as Mommy--and btw, Sam informed me this morning that I was a "Bad Mommy" because I initially hesitated to make pancakes--partly because he DEMANDED them and partly because in order to wash the correct pan, I had to unload the dishwasher, then load it again with all the dirty dishes in the sink....which I DID DO, but only after Sam checked his bad attitude and asked me nicely. (I first told him to "say it politely" and he said "thank you," which while indeed polite was not applicable to the current to be more specific).

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Mommy, depressing

Haven't been in the mood to write but Cole makes me want to, what with her 12 highly entertaining posts per day.

6 DAYS to my vacation starts!
2 DAYS to my next pool trek!
1 DAY until my new employee starts, thus meaning I WILL BE FULLY STAFFED, FINALLY, AND IF ANYONE DARES LEAVE I WILL CHAIN THEM TO THE DESK. (Sharon, this means you!)

I found my little brother on MySpace. Perhaps we'll actually start to rebuild our relationship. When I cut off contact with my dad, when I was 24, Rob was only 13, so it was pretty impossible to be in touch with him regularly without involving my dad to some degree. I could have been more proactive, especially once he was at college, but I guess it just seemed weird. I feel bad about it. I think all the time about reinitiating contact with my dad, but I am just afraid of going to that (emotional) place again. And I don't want to expose Sam to any of the negativity, or have Sam get attached to someone with whom I then can't deal anymore. What this has to do with seeing my brother, I don't exactly know, except that he is of course still in my dad's life. But honestly I haven't a clue as to what their relationship is like. So I guess we'll see where it goes.

Sam and I went to the pool late on Saturday, just before the storms hit. We got about 20 minutes in the pool before it started to rain, but because the rain started before the thunder, we got to swim in the pool while it rained! I love that! Then we got drenched en route to the car. it was fun.

I wish I could share all these great moments with Hubby too, as a family, but he is so absent from our weekends it's downright sad. To what degree it's from his chronic illness I don't know. Today Sam and I went to the library, and when I asked Hubby if he wanted to go (meaning we would wait for him to get ready even though he slept until after 1 p.m.), he said "Not really." Which basically makes me feel like crap. I did ask Sam if it bothered him that Daddy didn't do stuff with us on the weekends, or if he didn't mind (I tried really hard to ask this in an upbeat, nonleading way), and he said "I don't mind!" I guess he gets his fill of Daddy during the week. I do sometimes feel, what is the point exactly of being married???

Ok, I've pretty much depressed myself so I think I will retire to my friend, the television. I've watched some good documentaries this week---"The Aggressives," about young butch lesbians in New York, and "Pack Strap Swallow," about young women incarcerated in Ecuador for their work as drug mules.

Later gator.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Naps R Us

I took a nap today! I am so happy! I actually feel mildly rested.

Sam and I had a good morning. We went to the farmer's market for veggies and dairy, then listened to the drummers on the sidewalk and went to the Soda Store, where Sam spent about 6 hours to select...yes, a King Cone. I of course got a Big Diet Coke, not in the Superman cup as I was instructed. Sam was in the mood to play his entire!! Bob (the Builder) Builds a Park computer game, so I took this opportunity to actually clean, as the house is a friggin mess. So now the living room is clean, if you don't count the stains on the rug, and the dining room is mostly clean.

Tomorrow the plan is to hit the pool early, then go to the library later. We wanted to take Sam to see Cars, but he has decided he is indeed still scared of movie theaters. Actually he informed us that his Pretend Friend Matt had a private showing at the movie theater in his basement, complete with popcorn and drinks. And the lights stayed on, so it wasn't scary. It's so nice to have Pretend Friends who are wealthy.

I am sooo looking forward to my upcoming vacation. I plan to spend lots of time at the pool and seeing my friends and their kiddies. I'll be a SAHM for 2 weeks. Sam asked when I was going to be home forever--like, when are you going to stop this work foolishness, Mommy?

Sam reiterated his plan tonight for adulthood: no job, no marriage or kids ("I can't have a baby, Mommy, because I'm not a girl, I'm a boy!" I pointed out the "Daddy" role and he just blinked at me.) I couldn't get any answer on if he planned to have a girlfriend or boyfriend, but he did say he will still be friends with Lucy and Sophie. I told him I was reasonably certain that THEY would have jobs.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

The Story

Heard in Petsmart last week, uttered by a small blonde gentleman who once lived in my uterus: "God, I'm good." He cracks me up.

That gets me to thinking about the old stand-by, The Birth Story. And as cliched as that is, I love to tell it! So I will!

I was due March 12. My last day of work was to be Friday, March 15. I was hoping (unlike every other pregnant woman I have ever known who just wants it to be OVER) that I wouldn't got into labor for another week so I could just sit around and watch TV and sew for a week.

I hadn't been able to really wrap up everything at work, so I planned to go in on Saturday to finish. But I just felt soooo tired and awful that I postponed it to Sunday.

Sunday morning, 5:30 a.m.: I awake with a cramp. Hmmm....I wonder if that's a contraction?
5:40 a.m.: another one.
5:50 a.m.: another one.
5:55 a.m.: another one! And thereafter, never a 5 minute period goes by without one. Guess I won't be going to the office.

Because I am so nice, I don't wake up Hubby until about 7. I tell him I am in labor, and he harumphs and goes back to sleep.

He finally gets up at 10. I have just been laying there, riding through the contractions. They're not too bad. Hubby doesn't seem to really believe the I am in actual labor, but starts getting things together anyway...He calls the birth center and talks to the student midwife, Amy...he installs the car seat and packs our bag for the birth center (aren't we organized?? We also avoided our Bradley homework and never wrote a formal birth plan.)...he talks to my best friend Melissa (who gave birth two weeks ago) and to my mom.

Soon I pass the mucus plug and Hubby FINALLY believes I am in labor.

Hubby brings me some food. I eat 1/4 piece of dry toast and it's like eating sand. Amy says I can get in the tub. I feel great when I get in the tub, especially since the back labor that I have since Baby is backwards (face up instead of face down) DISAPPEARS as soon I sit in the water. Amy says to meet at the birth center at 4 p.m.

Around 3:30, my mom arrives with food for Hubby to eat at the birth center (no, we didn't have that on hand either). For me, we take a banana, of which I will eat one half, and a bag of Jolly Ranchers, of which I will eat none. I craved Jolly Ranchers in my first trimester and The Books say that what you craved then is what you might want in labor. I also drank vinegar in my first trimester but I don't bring any of that.

Mom asks to come along to the birth center "for a little while," and I pretty much grunt and say "whatever." I was very specific about wanting no one there except my two friends who can't come: Melissa, because she had a baby 2 weeks ago, and Eve, who lives in San Francisco. Now I don't care so much as long as she doesn't try to talk to me. I don't want to talk to anyone but Hubby and Amy and Tina, not even Melissa when she called earlier.

I am prepared for the ride in our little Honda Civic to be A Ride from Hell, based on my friend Hannah's experience riding to the hospital during her labor three months earlier. But it's not bad. It's rainy and dark so it feels so much later than it is.

I am so happy to see Amy and Tina!!

Amy checks me to see how far I've dilated. I am afraid it will hurt but it doesn't. I am afraid I will not be far enough dilated and they will send me home, and I can't bear to leave My Amy and My Tina. But Amy pronounces me 4 cm dilated! And she lets me get in the big tub with water jets. Having one of these tubs is now and forever my Dream Purchase. I feel so good in the tub I sing along to my Suzanne Vega and Joni Mitchell CDs.

Soon after, nurse Angie arrives. Hubby turns into co-nurse (he is not a nurse but should be) and monitors my temp, makes me drink water, measures how much I pee, and shushes me while Angie checks my bp. Amy is the one helping me relax, talking me through contractions, and telling me I am beautiful. I want to marry Amy. I think I might be having Amy's baby.

They make me get out of my tub when my temperature rises, and I sneak back in the second my temp drops again. On one of these tub breaks, Hubby and Mom and I all rest quietly in the bedroom area with the lights dimmed. When Amy comes in to check on me after about 20 minutes, Hubby tells her I haven't been having contractions. Very quickly I say, "I am so having contractions every 2 minutes, I'm just not saying anything!" Sheesh.

At midnight Amy checks me and I am only 5 cm! I immediately do the math and panic: 8 hours x1 cm= 5 cm more to go=40 hours. What?! 40 more hours!! NOOOOO!!! Amy and Tina make me walk around the birth center. This really, really hurts, like all walking during the past month: not labor/contractions hurt, but sharp, shooting, knife-in-cervix hurt. I miss the point of the walking and do a lap around the kitchen and living room as quickly as possible, so that I can satisfy my Good Patient requirement and then stop the walking already.

They decide to break my water. I am afraid this will hurt too, but I don't even feel it. But after that the pressure is unbearable. I try to sit on the birthing ball, the birthing chair, try every position, and nothing nothing nothing helps. I keep feeling like I need to pee, but when I sit on the toilet nothing comes out and I have this involuntary pushing feeling. I can feel my cervix getting bruised and swollen. I know when I finally have to push it's going to be awful.

I am also constantly vomiting, and carry my little basin with me everywhere. I've been vomiting pretty much every day for the last month. Angie decides I need IV fluids so she hooks me up, and now I have an IV trailing me. Amy makes me black and blue cohosh concentrates, not tea because I HATE tea ("tea sucks," I say poetically), which I down like shots.

Close to 5:30 am (24 hours of labor!), Amy checks me again. I am only 6 cm dilated this time. Tina says she thinks it might be time for me to go to the hospital. She wants it to be my decision, but honestly I would feel much better if she would just tell me I have to go. I know going is the right decision, but I still feel like a wimp and a failure. I don't want to leave my little birth center cacoon with my tub and my comfy bed and no doctors.

But I know I must go to the hospital. We pack up our stuff and get back in our Civic and drive the five or so miles to a hospital a few blocks from my office, where I've visited the countless patients who were hospitalized with AIDS. My mom comes too. Amy meets us there, and Tina turns over the midwife duties to Evelyn, who is already at the hospital with another laboring mom. Tina has to see the patients coming for appointments today. I have an appointment myself for a non-stress test. When I tell Tina I won't be coming to my appointment, she smiles and says she knows.

At the hospital we are a direct admit, so very quickly I'm in a room. I put on my little gown and try valiantly to pee in the little cup. Evelyn comes in and I tearfully whisper, "Evelyn, I can't pee!" She tells me not to worry about such a silly thing and just rest. It is shift change and thus chaotic. I am told they are "out of pillows." They appear later so evidently the pillows are on a break.

Evelyn examines me and gives me the bad news that I am actually only 4 cm dilated. I am crushed. She orders an epidural, a fetal monitor, Pitocin, and a urinary catheter. I really don't want the monitor--it goes into the baby's head and I know he hates to be messed with--he would always hide from the Doppler during my prenatal exams. But she tells me there is mecomium staining and I really need it. The monitor hurts like hell; it feels like someone is scraping the sides of my vagina with their fingernails.

When the nurse comes to insert the catheter, I ask if it will hurt. She says it will, and I make the wild suggestion to perhaps insert it AFTER the epidural is placed. She is amazed at The Greatest Idea Ever and wanders off.

There is only one anesthesiologist on duty in the hospital so I wait and wait. I am scared I will get a mean one; I have heard lots of stories of Epidural Men who yell at pregnant women to hold still, goddammit, or you'll be paralyzed. But when mine finally appears he is sweet and gentle and friendly. Evelyn holds my head while the needle slides into my spine, and it's not nearly as bad as I feared. Soon the meds start to take effect and I can finally rest a little.

Hubby calls my friend Warren at my request to give him the update for the work crew, then he and Mom go grab some food in the cafeteria while I doze. Hubby comes back to rest and Mom goes to our house to feed the cats (we were supposed to have been home by their breakfast time!) and call my grandmother and Melissa and Julie.

My epidural wears off twice. He's dosing it in short bursts on the theory that soon I will be ready to push. When it wears off a third time, it's close to 5:30 pm: 36 hours and no baby yet. Evelyn delivers the grim news: it looks like I will need a C-section. Everyone is upset and it seems like they are expecting me to melt down, but I am ready, as I came into the hospital figuring that I would probably need a C-section. She orders the surgery consult, and when Dr. Yabut arrives, he agrees that surgery it is.

I evidently have another Really Great Idea when I suggest that hey! let's unhook the Pitocin now since I have to have a c-section and I don't need to have the goddamn labor pains MAGNIFIED any longer while I lay here flat, with everyone around me gloomy and silent. They are all so disappointed and I suddenly feel like I've disappeared. Hey people! Go cry in your beer another time! I'm still here!!!

Suddenly the wheels are in motion...Hubby gets suited up for the OR...Amy and Evelyn do the same...I get wheeled in to a new, verbose and gregarious anesthesiologist. Somehow I get in this position that KILLS my neck and it takes them a while to get me out of it. Then Hubby comes in, and they are ready to start...Can you feel this? yes? then we'll start cutting...hey, she said she CAN feel it!!...but now I don't, I guess they really do know what they're doing.

And suddenly, we hear a chorus of "there he is!" and then "Oh my God, he's so BIG!" I hear Sam crying for the first time. They swoop him to the pediatricians in the corner. A little fighting match ensues between the pediatricians, who are waving hubby back to see Sam, and the anesthesiologist, who tells Hubby NO! you'll ruin the sterile field. In a few minutes they bring my little Burrito over, and Hubby holds him and says "My little boy..." Hubby guesses from all his experience lifting dogs at the vet's office where he used to work that this boy must be 9 pounds. I gaze at my son for the first time, until I feel a tidal wave of nausea, turn my head slighlty, and like that, I am out.

I hear the anesthesiologist: people, let's get a move on and get out of here...I am shivering with the coldest chills ever....I am in recovery. A pediatrician explains that Sam had low blood sugar, and they had to give him formula as a medical treatment, but don't worry, it won't interfere with breastfeeding.

I learn that Sam weighs 11 pounds and 1 ounce, and is 23 inches long. They think he might be the biggest baby ever born at this inner-city hospital. The resident assisting Dr. Yabut says he's only seen one bigger baby, and that mom had diabetes (which I don't). Dr. Yabut says Sam never would have come out, that he was truly stuck. Tina later says that had he been 9 pounds as expected, he would have "flown out."

I am now a Mommy.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Super Sam!

Thursday, July 06, 2006


Debbi & Keith's babies are here!!! Congratulations to the Alioto family of EIGHT!

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Hot small town

So my plan today was to return to the pool, but my friend Casey was on his own with his two kids, and we wanted to get together, and he was nervous about the pool with a 1:2 adult: child ratio. So we went to The Medium Park instead. (Sam has a Little Park, the open space one block away; the Medium Park, a grassy, semi-shady little kids park; and the Big Park, a fantastic, sprawling park at the local YMCA.) Hubby was persuaded to join us since he loves Casey. (Sometimes Casey's wife Julie---my oldest friend, since we were 12---and I wonder about the level of affection between Casey and Hubby---like maybe they'll run away together or something...)

Anyway, the park. Good God it was hot. Sam's face was bright red, not from sunburn (he was well-slathered with SPF 50) but from HEAT. His hair was wet with sweat, and he attempted to dry it by rubbing a fistful of grass on his head. (This does not work, in case you're wondering.)

My other plan for the day was to see my friend Shannon, in from San Francisco for a visit. She is staying with her friends and their toddler. She's planning on visiting me at the office tomorrow (we used to be officemates) but she has never met Sam so wanted to get a chance to see him. We hadn't firmed plans, but lo and behold! who should happen upon the very same park?? Shannon and her friends! So I got to chat with her for a while, until Sam begged me to take him home. Even though this is a city of 700,000 or something, it sure feels like a small town sometimes.

Sam and I took the opportunity of HOTTEST DAY EVER to make a stop at the Beloved Soda Store, the 7-11 near our house. I got a big cherry Slurpee and a Diet Coke for later, Sam got a King Cone and a lemonade, and we even got a Dr. Pepper for Hubby. Then we recovered in the A/C.

Identity for sale

Hubby's first reaction to the news that I had finally started a blog: his concerns that I would inappropriately post about him (which of course I will). But his reason: someone might steal his identity. Now, I'm certainly not going to post his SSN or DOB or credit score or anything. So I suppose he thinks there is someone out there, just waiting for a description of our lives so that they can steal his REAL identity.

So I will save those many, many persons the trouble of trolling by giving you some specifics:

You are a middle aged man living in the city, even though you hate the city. But you can never identify where exactly you prefer to live, other than Alaska, which you have never visited.
You are a stay at home dad. Your 4 year old son is very amusing and extremely sentimental and emotional.
You like to sleep a lot.
You like to work out, buy supplements for work outs, research working out, talk about working out (and spend hours on line doing so). If allowed, you will talk off your wife's ear about it as well.
You grossly underappreciate your wife. :)
Your cats are "on your back all day."

More specifics can be purchased for the complete assumption of Hubby's identifty for a low, low price. But remember, the copy is always inferior to the original.

- Crazy/Hip Blog-Mamas+
(Random Site)